Coping With Grief at Christmas: A Gentle Guide for Families

For many people, Christmas is a time of togetherness, tradition and familiarity. But when someone you love has died, the festive season can feel painfully different. The lights may seem brighter, the music louder, and the empty space at the table harder to ignore. If you are grieving this Christmas, please know this: there is no right or wrong way to feel, and you are not alone.


At Regency Funeral Directors, we support families throughout the year, but we know that Christmas can be particularly difficult. This gentle guide is written to offer reassurance, understanding and practical ideas, nothing you must do, only options you may find helpful.

Why Grief Often Feels Stronger at Christmas

Christmas is closely tied to memory. Familiar rituals such as decorating the tree, cooking certain meals, visiting family, can instantly remind us of who is missing. Even those who feel they are coping day to day may find emotions resurfacing unexpectedly in December.


Grief can also feel more intense because of contrast. When the world around us appears joyful, it can deepen feelings of sadness, loneliness or even guilt for not feeling “festive enough.” These reactions are entirely natural. According to Cruse Bereavement Support, anniversaries and significant dates often intensify grief responses, even long after a death.


It is important to remember that grief is not something to be fixed or rushed. Christmas does not reset the grieving process. It simply shines a light on it.

Giving Yourself Permission to Do Christmas Differently

One of the kindest things you can do for yourself is to let go of expectations. Both, your own and those placed on you by others.

You may find it helpful to:

Keep traditions that bring comfort and meaning

Change traditions that feel too painful

Create new, simpler routines for this year

Step back from social events if they feel overwhelming

It is okay if Christmas looks quieter than usual. It is okay if you cancel plans at the last minute. And it is okay if you feel moments of enjoyment alongside sadness. Grief and joy can exist together, even when that feels confusing.

Gentle Ways to Remember Loved Ones at Christmas

Many families find comfort in acknowledging their loved one during the festive season, rather than trying to avoid the loss altogether.


Remembrance does not have to be public or elaborate. It can be deeply personal.


Some gentle ideas include:

  • Lighting a candle on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning


  • Hanging a special bauble or decoration in their memory


  • Setting aside a quiet moment to write a letter to them


  • Visiting their grave or a place that feels connected to them


  • Making a donation to a charity they cared about


These small acts can provide a sense of connection and allow space for reflection without overwhelming the day.

Supporting Children Who Are Grieving at Christmas

Children often experience grief differently from adults. Christmas can raise difficult questions. “Why can’t they be here?” or “Are they watching us?”. Children may express sadness in bursts rather than consistently.


Helpful approaches include:


  • Being honest, using clear and age-appropriate language


  • Reassuring children that it is okay to feel happy and sad


  • Maintaining familiar routines where possible


  • Inviting children to help with remembrance activities, if they wish

Specialist charities such as Winston’s Wish offer excellent guidance for supporting bereaved children during the festive season. If you feel unsure, asking for help is a sign of care, not failure.

When Traditions Feel Too Painful

Some traditions may feel impossible at first. Perhaps attending a large family gathering, visiting certain places, or hearing particular music. This does not mean those traditions are lost forever.


Many people find it helpful to:


  • Take a break from a tradition for one year


  • Shorten visits or leave early


  • Ask a trusted friend or relative for support


  • Create a “quiet exit plan” if emotions become overwhelming


Grief changes over time. What feels unbearable this year may feel different next year, and that is okay.

Looking After Yourself During the Festive Period

Grief is exhausting, both emotionally and physically. During Christmas, it can help to focus on small acts of self-care:

Eat regularly, even if your appetite is low

Rest when you can

Spend time with people who make you feel safe

Step outside for fresh air or a short walk

Limit alcohol if it intensifies low moods

If you notice that grief feels unmanageable, persistent, or is affecting your ability to function day to day, extra support may be needed. Organisations such as Cruse Bereavement Support offer confidential help, and your GP can also guide you to appropriate services.

If You Are Facing Christmas After a Recent Loss

When a death has occurred close to Christmas, the season can feel particularly raw. Everything may feel too soon, too loud, or too much.

In these circumstances:


  • Focus only on the essentials

  • Accept practical help if it is offered

  • Remember that this Christmas does not define all future Christmases


There is no expectation to “get through” the season in any particular way. Simply existing, one day at a time, is enough.

A Gentle Reminder From Our Family to Yours

If this Christmas feels heavy, please know that you are not failing. It simply means you loved deeply. Grief is a reflection of that love, and it deserves patience and kindness.


At Regency Funeral Directors, our care does not end with the funeral itself. If you need guidance, reassurance, or simply a listening ear, our family-run team is here for you.


You can explore further support in our After a Loss guide or speak to us directly at any time.

If you would like to talk, we are here 24 hours a day on 01480 759 408.

Serving families across St Neots, Huntingdon, Kimbolton and the surrounding Cambridgeshire communities.